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Days 39 and 40 of 112-Spinning/Speedwork-#nada; #ihateblogging

So, here it is….Sunday night, 8:40 p.m., I’ve been back in Ann Arbor for a day and I’ve got nothing to show for it except Day 38 of 112 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

I’m back in Michigan after what was supposed to be a wonderful vacation, and for all intents and purposes it was; but there were just a few tiny little things that got in the way:

  • Training for a marathon
  • Blogging about said training for a marathon

I was feeling great about the vacation, heck all my pictures on Facebook show me having the world’s greatest time ever (If we’re Facebook friends you can check out all the smiling happy photos of me in this photo album Siesta Key 2012. If we’re not, well I suppose we a few options):

  • Friend me and I’ll accept
  • Friend me and maybe I won’t (Can you even imagine?)
  • Don’t friend me because you don’t give a care in the world about my spring break trip to Siesta Key

I certainly didn’t mind the training, in fact the 20-mile team marathon relay was great, I was psyched about the swim, the tempo run was hard but I did it, the rest day was great (of course it was, it was my birthday), the 16/18 miler could have been better, and then there it was…vacation was over.  And what did I really have to show for it except a handful of blog postings.

Later in the week I told Doug I was kind of in a funk and asked him what he thought.  He said he thought it was the training and the blogging, but he didn’t say it with any judgement at all, or resentment, just matter of factly.  Thank God my husband is very tolerant and supportive.  It would be 11:30, noon, 12:30, 1:00 p.m. and I’d say, “Just a few more minutes, let me wrap up this blog before we go outside.” He said we had never been on vacation before while I was training, and quite honestly training so diligently, and then the time spend blogging…well it was just another element.

I have to be honest, at this very moment I am so sick of blogging.  I hate it.  It has been the worst week of blogging ever!

Can I really do 72 more days of this?  And do people really give a shit?

The thing is, I hope I can do 72 more days and I hope people do give a shit because deep, deep, deep down inside I really love it.  I love talking about my training and how Christy and I are training together and what we are learning from each other, and I love when you all say things like, “I find you inspirational.” Or, “I’ve been so motivated I’m now going to run a 5K race in the summer, and I’m making my 3 kids do it with me too!”  I don’t want this to stop, but right now I hate it. I feel like Don Draper on his bender with Peggy during Season 4 of Mad Men called “The Suitcase.” (My all-time favorite episode by the way). It’s like I’m drunk and I’m pouring out my soul to you and later I’ll throw up in the bathroom and then fall asleep on the couch, and maybe we’ll have a disagreement tomorrow but we won’t part without exchanging that look with each other that says, “I get it.  I get you.”

Last week Chisty P had mentioned that at times she’s been so ready to leave vacation and get back home to normal.  And I’ve NEVER felt that way before, ever!  I love my vacation life, well I did until this time around.  All the blogging and the time it took made me think about actually looking forward to getting back home so things could return to normal and maybe the blogging would be easier.

I’ve been tired all day today, on the couch, no energy to do anything, which I didn’t.  Which, of course, means that I didn’t go to the track at UM today to do speed work.  That was just not going to happen.  Aside from the realization that taking time out to do a speed work would ultimately cut into my pity party time about vacation and blogging, I think it also falls into the category of knowing when to say “when,” i.e., I don’t think there would be any real benefit to my body by doing a speed workout today.

So what’s the point of all this incoherent rambling? I think the point is that when you are engaged in a long-term training situation, and one that is much more intense that you are used to, combined with what is an intense blogging situation (intense from a time commitment situation), that it make sense that you get tired, get resentful, and start to hate the very thing that you fell in love with in the first place.  I mean, it happens with our friends and family, right?  So it has to be normal, yes? Because I really do love the training and the blogging, just not at this moment. At this moment I am sitting on the couch in the dark typing while my husband unpacks our bags and straightens things up because all I’ve been doing all day is talking about how tired I am.  Also, I just finished watching another episode of Smash and I always find that show equal parts depressing and annoying.

So at this point I am shutting down the computer, going to spend what can hopefully be a good 30-minutes of quality time with my husband before going to bed at 10:00 p.m. because tomorrow I get up at 5 a.m. to swim.  Oh yeah, Christy P and I are shaking up the schedule this week to accommodate some travel plans.

So thank you for allowing me my bender/rant.  I suspect a good night’s sleep will help restore the order of the universe, but in the mean time, a few things to keep in mind:

  • It’s perfectly ok to miss a workout, or a blogging session. Chances are good the sun will rise the next day and the earth will continue to rotate on its axis (at least that is what my earth science teacher husband says).
  • If you are getting sick of a workout, or blogging session, and you need a break–take one.  Again, see previous reference to sun rising and earth continuing to move on its axis, oh yeah, and the world NOT ending.
  • Be flexible in your workout plans, and blogging.  If you need to switch around your schedule, that is cool, but don’t stick with it so much if it’s going to end up doing more harm than good. Take a day off, or two!
  • If there are people in your life that love and support your training and blogging, make sure you let them know every once in a while that you love them even more than your training and blogging.
Carry on, friends.  Carry on.

copyright Natalie, April 2011

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